I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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