Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
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she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
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Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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