Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
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My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
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What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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