I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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