Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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