My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
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I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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