And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize