i think my tv is drunk
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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