my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
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So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
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you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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