when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
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your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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