I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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