I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
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I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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