oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
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I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
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I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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