Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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