i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize