so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
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Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
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My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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