why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
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she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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