Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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