I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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