I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
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he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize