I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
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First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
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She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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