Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You made out with two different species that night
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
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