Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize