shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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