Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize