new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize