Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize