It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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