when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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