just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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