every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
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I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
not ubering you a puppy
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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