So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize