hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize