Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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