woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
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Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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