I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My cat gives me a boner
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize