I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
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