that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
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I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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