I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
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She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
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From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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