it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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