Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
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There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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