I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Oh god it's open bar.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize