I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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