I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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