Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
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