P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize