Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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