I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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