dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
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This show inspires me to have sex in space
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
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Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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