dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
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