Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I need to align my fucking chakras
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